Who needs a Y chromosome when you have two X's, too much imagination and really bad taste?God bless Ebay!
Further to the challenge I set myself yesterday, of finding something worse on Ebay than beef jerky, I hopped on the computer this morning, and in the time it took for it to load the Ebay page and for me to have a little scratch, I had this thought..."Pubic hair is funny."
So, I simply typed in pubic hair, wondering if they make and sell stencils for shaping...and of course they do! Multi coloured dyes too!
So here's my first trophy.
1) Malibu Betty Pube Dye and Shaping Stencils
Love locks!
Cover the grey!
When it's time to cover the grey, may I suggest that it's also time to turn out the lights?
hmmmmm
That was way too easy, what else do they have?
2) Devil's toenail oyster shell fossils...
Aaaah yes, devil's toenails... and why not?
Hands up who else thought he painted them red?
And then, my most pressing question...if there are fossils, doesn't that mean that both God and the Devil are nonsense?
But then, what if Nietzsche was right and God in fact is dead?
And what if he left a God shaped fossil somewhere?
Wouldn't that fuck with the Creationists?
And wouldn't it be beautiful to watch?
C'mon God, I've never really asked you for anything before....please be a fossil, I'm begging ya.
And what would said divine, self defeating fossil be worth on Ebay?
Ebay, Ebay, Ebay, are you telling me the truth?
Jurassic period? pfffffffftttttt Listen, I've had one of those, and I never went crying to Ebay about it.
OK, so looking up names of body parts body parts is kinda cheating. You know some idiot's gonna make a crust from them.
So, let's try something a little harder.
Let's drop in on the environment and see what we can do to help. That's noble.
3) Dog Poo Worm Farm
Worming your dog has never been so much fun....hang on, make that gardening with wormy dog shit has never been so much fun...
And the best thing about this product is that it's brand new...and not one of those nasty second hand numbers... imagine lugging that up to the post office.
I have no sensible comment to make about the following item and I'm not going to explain how I came to find it.
4) Prison Made Cigarette Carton Picture Frame
Pretty isn't it?
Can't you imagine your loved ones scrunched into such a special frame?
Hopefully the pictorial health warnings won't obscure the luxuriant locks of their mullets.
But the very worst thing you could ever run across on poor old Ebay, is this one:
5) Sydney Rorters - "Cheating - The Golden Years" - Obscene Propaganda DVD
Keep out of reach of children.
Ugly to it's very core, isn't it?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't these lying twats change their name yet again in 2000?
This makes their concept of a decade somewhat of a sham then, doesn't it?
But then, this is the same club who celebrated it's centenary in 2007, I don't even need to use both hands to figure out how many seasons that truly is, so...
It does seem a lot of fuss for eight seasons though.
Forest for the trees.
I'm sorry you had to see any of that, and I'm sorrier still that I couldn't figure out how to make that vile little pic come last.
As with all of those items, you're just going to have to figure out what's what on your own.
Enough with the spoon feeding already.
Just don't mix the pube dye up with the dog shit worm farm.
It just goes to show you that the kind of smut you can accidentally be exposed to on the internet is indeed potentially damaging.
Well, so I'm saying that I win at Ebay.
Always will too.
I do suspect there's at least one of you capable of giving me a run for my money, anyone else care to take me on?
Nah, didn't think so.
And yes, I know that pulling out the Rorters was unfair as the dog shit, but I never said I wouldn't play dirty.
No comments:
Post a Comment