Friday, July 25, 2008

Dog at a bone.

I like stuff.
I like people who get excited about stuff.

Just the other day, Clair was telling me, with some hilarity, a tale of her husband, Michael.
It seems he had been spending time on Ebay, very intently and methodically researching something as off beat as chicken coops for the back yard.

Well, chicken coops are not off beat exactly, but when you live in suburban Sydney, it does seem a funny thing to be fussing about, especially when you have a new baby present to fill in every spare minute for the next 20 years.

I rolled my eyes and thought, "Men."
Such a pity they had to miss out on that all important extra X chromosome, poor things.

I had a giggle when she told me this, thinking to myself that I could so easily check mate her with any number of stories of koi ponds and vacuum cleaners for koi ponds showing up at our house at all hours of the day and night.
Naturally these are fresh from Ebay, and all courtesy of those two very wonderful Y chromosomes living under the same roof as me.

But had I done that, I probably would have felt morally obliged to come on here (just like this) and make a reasonably honest list of all the dopey (yet necessary) Ebay purchases I have made over the years, in a bid to be fair rather than just critical.

I'm not going to do that today.
My self respect isn't up to it.

So, after mulling all this over for a couple of days, I can only say that I wish that I had felt surprised when Jeff suddenly went off on some wild tangent about beef jerky this afternoon.

Beef jerky?

WTF?

My conservative estimate is that between the hours of 4pm and 6:30pm today, he said beef jerky to me, perhaps 200 times.

And all this is despite my pleas for clemency.

I even thought I was being quite reasonable by suggesting that he save up his next twenty comments on beef jerky and tell them to me tomorrow, but no cigar.

He was in the groove.
The same groove Michael had been in with his chicken coop.

And whilst I have no real scientific evidence to support this statement, empiric evidence alone leads me to suspect that this groove exists somewhere on the Y chromosome.

I wanted to be certain that I'm doing him justice, so I just called out to Jeffrey as I was writing this, to find out whether he was still thinking about beef jerky after his kip.

Of course he was.
Dog at a bone, that boy.

"Yes," he informed me proudly, "I just had three beef jerky riffs going on in my head all at the same time."

Of course he did.

Among those riffs is the plan to make beef jerky in my fruit and vegetable dehydrating machine...

But that's not the one that scares me the most.

It's the fact that as I sit here at this computer, there is a minimized window for an Ebay purchase on the screen, for a rather hefty amount of beef jerky.

EBAY....... for beef jerky, I mean, c'mon, who does that?

Seriously. LOL

And I know that's rich coming from me, I eat beetroot chips.

But I'm saying that's up there.

I'm even saying it eclipses my Ebay Maria Callas stamp set, my Anne Boleyn Airfix model and my Alice in Wonderland Tarot Card set, which were all absolutely vital to the strength of the energetic continuum of the Earth when I purchased them.

Well, I can't hang around here talking about beef jerky much longer.

I have to go out there and sit with Beef Jerky Boy who will be keen to tell me all about it and who will be confused and bewildered that I don't suddenly share his burning interest in dry, semi-edible, flat, sodium encrusted dead cow muscles....an interest which, to the best of my knowledge, even he didn't have this morning.

And you know, the worst thing about this is that they've both called my bluff.
I now feel that I must log on to Ebay and purchase something exquisitely stupid so that I may continue to hold my head high in male company.

I'll let you know what I decide on.

Kids, this ain't gonna be pretty, but I do so love a challenge.

3 comments:

gretchenaro said...

Ah beef jerky! Now, I will obsess and I have the x chromosome. Has he ventured into the other jerkies? Must try ostrich, alligator and bison!

I was on Ebay yesterday morning looking for Peek-a-Poohs because they are adorable and I love Pooh.
http://www.gachausa.com/products/wtp.asp

Auntie Simone said...

Pooh jerky?
I don't think I'll mention that to him, just in case.

clairbear said...

oh my God that is SO funny. I saw something about beef jerky on his facebook subject and I had to wonder. BTW, chicken coup is out, worm farm is in, and boy do I have to hear about it! He will take you by the hand and show you next time you are here.