Homemaking with Mark!

After supplying my already troubled mind with The Anglican White Bread and Margarine Cookbook a few weeks ago, my friend Mark has once again come to the party with something rather special from his collection.

I can only imagine this guy's collection.
A Pandora's Box of well chosen kitschy nuggets spanning several decades.

Mark, you see, is an artist.
And a very good one.
Able to work in any medium he chooses, including those shitty Go-Lo pencils I bought for him as a joke one birthday.

You see, that impresses me.
It shouldn't, but it does.

Cat person too.

Knowing that I love to incorporate tragic things into my blog, he said to me recently,

"I have something at home that made me think of you."

I responded the only way I know how, and said, "Uh-oh."

"Yes," he tells me, " it's a book of 1950's style housekeeping tips. You'd love this thing, it has beautifully drawn, very graphic diagrams of women's hands up a chicken. I'll bring it."

And bring it he did.

This cherished copy is originally from Auckland Public Library, no less, and is titled, Modern Homes and Homemaking.

Somebody paid 50 cents for it - I hope it was Mark.

The contributors seem to be a veritable army of Margarets and Beryls, the book having been aimed at the good women of England, circa 1958.

The things that Mark wanted to show me were neatly bookmarked for me, as I expected.

His picks were the diagram showing you how to thump your upside down swinging baby, should it be choking.

But more importantly, the Holy Grail itself - a series of diagrams showing you how to ram your heavily manicured hand right up a chicken's arse, plus how to skin a rabbit (booooooooooooo), then neatly remove it's pellet filled bowel, all while wearing high heels and looking sexy in case hubby should come home early from the office.
You can never be too careful.
What would those neighbours think?

Please tell me what the artist was thinking about when he drew that pic on the bottom left of the chicken plucking diagram.
Seriously.

But my favourite parts are some things I think even Mark may have missed.
Firstly, the page where someone has been so pedantic that they neatly corrected the spelling of effect to affect.
I salute that person.
It's almost certainly not Mark - I am all too familiar with his "hand writing."

The second is on the page that instructs us how to do the washing up.

Both the page and the concept itself are amusing enough to be sure, but what caught my eye was the fact that there are a couple of stains on this page, which suggests to me that someone has indeed required and sought guidance with this task from this very book.

How wonderful.

I have also chosen to include a photograph of what they suggest are the most nourishing foods possible.

In that photo, we see:

• a block of Cadbury's Dairy Milk Chocolate
• a big old lump of butter
  
• cheese
• peanuts
  
• eggs
• fish - smoked for extra toxicity
  
• deep fried oily chips
  
• cakes and biscuits
  
• white flour
  
• liver
  
• sugar cubes and lots of them
  
• treacle and golden syrup - both kinds! War is over!
  
• plenty of red meat with extra fat
• are those kidneys?

Up the back somewhere, there are half a dozen mushrooms, something green and some carrots.
But they're probably just intended as a garnish.

I'm not sure what's in that tin.
If you figure it out, don't tell me.

Happy homemaking!

luv sim xo