Damn my eyesight.

The concept of karma is confirmed to me every time I wear glasses.
Not that I wear glasses.

Is it OK with you all if I have just one small vanity?
Well, unless you've seen how spectacular I look in glasses, then I think you should reserve judgement.
Fully, I look like the smartest chick on Earth. Even if they're just sitting on my head. Even if they're Sue's $2 magnifying glasses which I stole so frequently that she bought me my own pair.
Hot!
I feel like the ant's pants when I wear glasses. Shameless too. I approach total strangers and demand to know whether they think I look as hot as I think I do. But I doubt that anyone could think that.

Last year I had like 2 headaches from reading, so I fairly sprinted down to the optometrist for an eye examination in the hope that I'd reached the age where I could finally wear a slinky pair of tortoiseshell glasses and look fabbo each and every day.

But no. Sadly, I was informed that I have 20/20 vision. FFS.
You may imagine the confusion of the poor lady doing the test when I reacted with such stoney faced dejection. *sigh* Clearly she had not understood the gravity of the situation.

So, lets' just accept that I look great in glasses but that my self respect won't allow me to wear fakes. Although, it does allow me to borrow from others, even prescription glasses, and admire myself in public mirrors. Which is harder than it sounds, as I can't actually see what I'm looking at while I have them on. Yes I know that sounds well bimbo. But I don't care. ;O)

And every time I concede defeat and take them off, I know that karma is laughing her arse off at me, maybe even peeing down her leg a little. Bitch.

You see, when I was around 7 years old, they did some big eye test at our primary school.
I vividly recall faking a portion of the test as I knew full well I couldn't manage the task I'd been set, which was a distance judgement exercise. In fact, this still screws me... I must concentrate not to trip up stairs. Down's OK.

Anyway, they told me to go home and tell my parents that I needed glasses.
Of course I did nothing of the sort.
Actually, that's not true. I told Dad a couple of years ago.
Apparently this man finds me amusing.

So, my karmic punishment is to be denied looking constantly sassy and intimidatingly intelligent.

I actively avoid supplements containing Bilberry, Vitamin A and Vitamin B2. I always make the effort to choose chocolate rather than blueberry muffins. Turned my back on carrots years ago. And all to no avail.

So, to my mind, karma is a spiteful bitch who probably wears like bifocal horn-rimmed glasses and looks like an absolute bag lady in them.
And assuming I'm right, which usually seems sensible, what will be karma's punishment for holding a grudge for more than 30 years over such a trivial issue?
I think she should go to Heaven and hang out with all manner of fundamentalists.