Yellow snow.

It doesn't very often happen that being pissed off coincides with pissing into a cup in the dark in public, but today's the day.

Most of you are aware of my recent health problem/s and my approach their the treatment.

Call me old fashioned, but taking drugs just for their side effects for the rest of my life is not my idea of "doing no harm."

But then neither is, "let's wait until it's critical and then rip it out or pump you full of radioactive material, even though your cancer risk is in the Guinness Book of Records already."

And I cannot accept "we don't know" as a satisfactory answer to a question as simple as "why?"

And just when I thought that describing to my friends the look on the face of the specialist when I refused his " final solution", was going to be the funniest anecdote afforded by this situation, along comes this morning.

Mercifully, Monica had been kind enough to me give a heads up, but really, there's just nothing like walking the walk, is there?

After visiting a doctor who treats and investigates biochemical variables and their role in causing inflammation and disease, I had to front up at the local laboratory to do the biochemically appropriate testing.

No problems there. After going through IVF, I don't much care what they stick in me... (that's what she said...)

Six vials of blood on day one of my period when I'm still quite anaemic? Sure. Why not?

But that was after a wait of one and a half hours.
Try and guess how many lame vampire jokes I heard from old men as they filed out the door during this time?

The correct ratio of course, is one per vial of my blood.

In a ninety minute period, that's one every 15 minutes.

Pretty annoying really - I was reading Rosemary's Baby and fake laughter always breaks my concentration.

Eventually, once everyone who didn't have an appointment of any kind had been tended to, I went in for my 9am appointment at 10:30.

And I was somewhat angry.
Thank God they weren't checking my cortisol or adrenalin levels.
Alarms might have sounded.
Anyhow, with my poker face, a polaroid might have been just as definitive as venipuncture.

So, blood test over, I was then handed 2 sterile cups and told that I must take the torch, the cups, go to the toilet, lock the door, turn out the light, pee into the container with the green lid, pour it into the container with the yellow lid with the Vitamin C in it, close the lid, wrap it in aluminium foil with the shiny side facing out, place it back into the plastic bag, mop up, zip up, not spill anything, find the sink again, find the torch again, find the light switch again, wash my hands and then return with whatever dignity I possibly could, so that they could then snap freeze and farewell my urine for $80 before posting it to Queensland.

And all while I was good and cranky, almost menstruating and functioning with perilously low blood sugar, no supplements for 4 days and worst of all, a caffeine withdrawal headache.

Oh, and no make-up.

So, I think it's reasonable to say that it wasn't just me that had a bad time of it this morning.

PS Don't eat the yellow snow. It's probably full of kryptopyrroles.