Of course, I shouldn't be telling you this, but it really was a fine example of the taking one for the team mentality that one gets at some stage during a good friendship.
And I really did take one for the team, I don't care what you say.
The trip home to Sydney from Bron's place in Merriwa is long.
Especially when it's 40 degrees celsius outside and you need to pee.
Due to the January heat, Clair and I set off home with snacks, cold drinks, and I believe that we stopped for even more cold drinks and icey poles at Cesspit, which is pretty impressive considering that I don't like ice cream or ice blocks at all.
So, passing Tuggerah, I heard Clair say,
"I could really pee."
"No biggie", I thought, "We'll make that. Only an hour and a bit. Easy."
But make it, we did not.
Not too long before the Berowra turn off, we saw smoke.
Just a little at first, kinda like a cloud flipping the bird at us as it drifted across the sky.
Then we saw the cars.
The brake lights.
The complete absence of movement.
The smell of petrol from cars that had stopped , but still had their A/C on.
Bushfire!
But just a little one. And just about exactly where we needed to be.
They were trying to stop it jumping the highway and heading off to Manly.
Pfffft , it's only Manly FFS.
"This is gonna take a while....and that's a pity because Clair needs to pee. And I will soon too," I thought as my mind raced back to my childhood.
Now, back in the 70's, there seemed to be some sort of national obsession with pulling over on highways and peeing in the bushes.
Reluctant children in particular.
Maybe it was considered a rite of passage back then to take your kid out and make them keep Australia beautiful?
My estimation is that by 1974, highways all throughout Australia were all but lined with these unhappy, desperate little people.
Even by 3 or 4 years of age, we had to be able to gauge for ourselves whether semi-trailers or snakes posed the greater risk to our longevity as we gave in and squatted.
Too far into the scrub and you were sure to meet with natural disaster, too close to the road - well, let's just remember that these were the days before there was any chance of being caught by a speed camera.
And grown ups were certainly no use when it came to assessing our safety. As I recall, any complaint coming from a small, squatting person, was met with,
"A leaf, a leaf! Use a leaf! Use a leaf!"
"But...I don't need to..."
"Don't be silly, no-one can see you!", they would say, the last bit usually being drowned out by the frenzied honking of car horns from the very cars of the people who couldn't see us...
By 1977, I'm saying you couldn't back out the driveway without seeing kids being forced to urinate (or worse) in public - being stood over by parents in safari suits, bell bottoms and body shirts..
The highway pit stop was always a nightmare for me, what with my sense of decorum and severe allergic reaction to ant bites of all kinds...
Nevertheless, there's many a spot in the Australian countryside that has been tended to by me personally.
I never used a leaf though.
So, thirty years later, discovering that I needed to repeat the performance, came as something of a surprise to me.
Damn those icey poles!
But what I found out by putting myself in this unenviable position once again was this;
what was humiliating as a small child, is hilarious as an adult.
Hooray for the passage of time!
To be continued...
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