1300 Michael.

OK, Nova's out.

What can I tell you?
That's it's silly? Pretentious? A wank?
Nah. I've done all that, and you still love me anyway.
And I still love Nova.

This edition didn't really raise my already twitching eyebrow though, until I hit the classifieds.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - their rival publication, Living Now has thieved their shit hot hippie writers and left poor old Nova to struggle on, sprouting reality like most of us do grey hair.
How sad.
Kinda like watching the Titanic sink.

Although in a way, this new and unbecoming comparative straighty-one-eighty approach now makes the classifieds stand out like dogs balls.

Non-bleached, dread locked, patchouli scented, low GI dogs balls.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Buried amongst ads for sheep's yoghurt and home births, is the mother of all ads. Page 40.

Quite seriously, they have listed a 1300 number ($2.45pm, credit cards accepted, SMS rate available) for Archangel Michael.

You heard me.
A direct line to Archangel Michael.

And I'm not making fun.
It actually states that you can receive guidance from the big guy 24/7 (clearly he's an insomniac) so long as you have a valid credit card.
Imagine receiving an SMS or missed call from him?

Good on him for getting with the times, I guess.
I think it's cool when old folks do stuff like that.
Hell, even my step-mother has recently done a basic computer course...and I know this because she now sends me chain mail.
You can never have enough chain mail.

Well, all that aside, this month seems a little slow in general. Certainly nothing to July.

So, should Archangel Michael's phone be engaged or even if he's not too sure how to switch to and from call waiting, you can always give Tiffani a call instead, and clear all your issues of abuse from this lifetime or any other for that matter.
Let's hope that wherever Hitler, Genghis Khan and Boney M are now, that they take advantage of this.

It's OK, you don't have to re-live the situation, and it seems you can reverse a whole lifetime of hurt in just an afternoon.
Hooray for Tiffani!
I don't think she's an archangel though.

Otherwise, you could discover your true inner light with Tamara. What?

Perhaps harness your infinite feminine power within that circle of other women who are sure to be scary indeed?

No?

OK, what about attending a sexual tantra workshop at which singles are welcome... and here's me still traumatised from being paired up with that weird guy at the first aid course.

Well, sad as it is, Nova's slipping.
She's showing her age and mainstream has digested many of her quirks.

Anyways, can't sit around here chatting, I keep hitting redial for 1300 Michael, and I'm off to see about becoming a "Quit cigarettes in 60 seconds" expert.

Ciao.